To Follow Your Dreams
My mother had always raised me and my siblings to follow our dreams and work hard to make them a reality. My dream had always been to become a nurse. I remember when I was about six or seven years old walking around in my mother’s nursing shoes, her stethoscope on my neck, and a clipboard in my hand pretending to be a nurse. Growing up I would hear how at a very young age I started to exhibit a very compassionate and nurturing side of myself. I was always showing concern for those who were upset or didn’t feel well. To me it was always second nature to take care of them and try to make them feel better. I knew if I worked hard enough for it one day I would finally become a nurse.
In the sixth grade when my mother started to become ill sometimes needing hospitalization. Being the oldest of three siblings and living in a single parent household I assumed some of the responsibilities to help her. I was not old enough to stay overnight alone at home with my siblings when she was hospitalized so we would spend it at an aunt’s house. My mother’s health declined and hospitalizations became longer as I entered high school. I would visit her frequently while she was admitted and remember seeing the nurses bustle in and out of the patients’ rooms assisting them with anything they needed sometimes even just listening or talking to them. I noticed how it made all the difference to the patients and knew that was what I wanted to do. My senior year of high school my mother’s health took a turn for the worst. She was now in the hospital more than she was home. My cousin also in her senior year had come to stay with us to help me maintain the role of “mom” so I could continue with my part time job after school as well as visit my mother from time to time. I remember watching my once beautiful and strong mother change into this fragile ninety two pound woman who could barely take care of herself let alone her children. This to someone who lived and breathed for her children made her feel in her own mind that she was barely a mother that she was failing. Wednesday February 16th I came home from school to find her in the living room, she had taken her own life. This was a tough challenge to face but I knew I had to push on it is what my mother would have wanted.
I graduated high school and a year later went for a program to obtain my certified nursing assistant license. I work as a c.n.a for 8 years before applying for a Licensed Practical Nursing program. January 22nd, 2015 was the day I received the letter in the mail, the letter that could change everything. The paper was thick and tough in texture, and as I read the tiny black words typed out my heart started to race. Then I read it “This letter in to inform you that you have been accepted to the Diman Regional School of Practical Nursing”. School was tough remember breaking down from time to time and thinking I would never make it. I remembered that I had made it through tougher times and that I could persevere through this as well. On June 30th 2016 the auditorium was filled with our loved ones eagerly awaiting us to enter and walk across the stage in front of them. This day was what we were all waiting for the one step closer to officially becoming a nurse. A month after graduation we would get the notification that we could schedule our tests. The only thing left for us to do would be to take the test and pass.
My test was scheduled for August 23rd two hours away in Connecticut. The drive seemed longer than expected as I drove to the moment that could make my dream come true. I must have smoked about a pack and a half of cigarettes on the way there. I sat in the parking lot going over just a few more practice questions. I stepped up to the counter to check in for the test and was asked for my license and to place my hand on the scanner. The computer testing area was set up with little desk cubicles so that you could not see the person on the side of you at all. I remember after taking the test removing my hand from the desk and seeing a moistened hand print there. As I drove home I wondered if I had passed and if my dream would come true. Three days was how long I had to wait to receive the option to pay for early results. I typed in my card information and clicked on the link that said “show results”. I started to peek through my fingers at the screen and finally read the word “PASS”, I did it I had passed and I was now a NURSE. Being a nurse was not a career choice for me but a calling. I didn’t simply want to become a nurse I wanted to become a support system. Nothing is better than when someone gets treated and feels better and is discharged home. When they tell you that you have made a difference and that you exhibit traits of compassion and empathy and seem to love your job. It does not always end happily but in those cases knowing you are there for someone in their time of need, so they are not alone or even to support the family members in grieving it is an amazing feeling.
Just want to start by saying I’m sorry for your lost! You can tell by your writing that your a very compassionate and caring person. I like how you started off by explaining how you looked up to your mother and basically followed in her footsteps. What seems to be the main message of this essay, where my heart dropped and I felt very connected is when you started explaining how taking care of people wasn’t only a job career for you it actually became a real life situation for you. I also connected with your essay when you started describing the feeling of taking a test that predicts the outcome of your future. I feel like everyone experience that feeling for example mine was taking the SAT to get into college. “I remember after taking the test removing my hand from the desk and seeing a moistened hand print there.” loved that part because its very relatable. one thing I think you should elaborate on is how hard it was for you to take on a “mom” role so young, you started to explain but a little more would have been nice. Overall GREAT memoir.
Your writing here is clear and competent, and this is an engaging read. I like the details you give in the first para. of walking around in your mother’s shoes–very evocative image. More generally, it does seem to me that you’re trying to tackle quite a long time period here, so some is this is told with quite “broad” strokes, rather than vivid scenic details (like the ones you give in exploded moment). For me as a reader, the info about your mother, her illness, your experiences in the hospital, her death are much more emotionally powerful than the third para. on testing, which clearly goes through what happened, but seems much less significant in comparison (my view only–you’re free to take or leave).
I’d suggest starting revision by trying to define your main point here. Is this about why you became a nurse? Or it could be about your feelings for your mother, which I’m guessing may involve love, pain, gratitude, anger. Or it could be about how one can turn pain into a more positive force in the world.
Once you decide the main focus here, I’d encourage you to try to use memory to create/recreate some scenes, as you do in exploded moment, that really bring reader into your experience. Focus on scene(s) that connect to what your main point is (so think about how testing situation connects, or doesn’t, in particular; also–depending on what you want to say–the scene of your mother’s death may not be as important as a scene set in the hospital, watching and learning what nurses can do for families).
I know these comments are coming awfully late, so try to get a final draft to me for Thursday, but remember you can revise more later if you want.